Mute Buddy Baby Jesus

If you have ever been involved in evangelical ministry, you might remember the skit about the mute Jesus whom the college Christian guy refuses to let accompany him out to a party. It goes something like this: The cCg is in his apartment with Jesus telling him how he is about to leave to go to a really rad party. "Now I've left you some chips and Dr. Pepper... Oh sorry Jesus! You probably want fruit juice, right? Well, Pat Robertson is on channel 7 if you want to watch the tube for a bit. I'll be back at... well, don't wait up for me, Jesus."

Remembering it yet? Jesus, mute (that means not saying a word), stands there looking sad as a 4 yr. old boy whose Dad is walking out on him. The scene really makes you feel for Jesus. [Boy starts walking out... Jesus begins to follow.] "No Jesus! You don't understand! There will be alcohol, dancing... all kinds of stuff... GIRLS! there... you just wouldn't have any fun! Stop it, Jesus! Why do you always have to have your way! Why is it always about YOU! STAY THERE!!!"

Jesus doesn't stay there, so in a moment of rage, the cCg grabs Jesus' arm around the wrist, pushes him against an imaginary wooden cross, and uses a large imaginary nail and hammer to secure him there. The rage is palpable, and then the silence is deafening as the guy walks out to his party.

Imagine you are at a Baptist Student Ministry luncheon where this skit was just performed. The actor who just played Jesus stands at the microphone as everyone in the audience pauses a moment from eating from their free styrofoam bowl of taco soup... "Father Lord God Jesus, Lord help us to know that you follow us around EVERYWHERE Lord God, and YOU ARE GOD Jesus... and we don't want to hurt you Lord God. Father Jesus help us not to hurt you ALL THE TIME God, Lord, like we do. Amen."

He continues, "When I was a kid, I used to have a My Buddy. You all remember them, right? Yeah, I see those hands. Well, My Buddy went with me EVERYWHERE. I mean, he was my friend and made me happy. Well, one day, one of my friends grabbed My Buddy and whacked me in the head with it, and it hurt really bad. From that day forward, I didn't carry My Buddy around anymore, because it was dangerous. [Begins to sound intensley preachy with his right hand in karate chop formation in front of him and eyes gazing into the faces of his audience...] Jesus is like My Buddy. He goes everywhere with me. But sometimes I don't carry him around. Jesus can be dangerous. But I should know that Jesus goes with me anyway. And I don't want to hurt Jesus. Friends, let us not go around anymore hurting Jesus."

A solemn understanding of "Amen" reverberates throughout the room as, reverently, the audience continues to eat from their free styrofoam bowl and drink from their free styrofoam cup.

Seconds pass, then the former Jesus actor continues further: "For example, Jane Doe (name protected for anonymity) there in the back of the room is pregnant... By the way, congratulations to John and Jane for that blessing from God they'll be having in a few weeks!!!... Well, when Jane feeds herself, that baby is fed. When she rests and takes vitamins and takes care of herself, she also is taking care of that baby. But if Jane were to consume something that was bad for her or not take care of herself, that baby would be negatively affected by her actions. That baby is under her watch and care, her protection... and she is responsible for that baby's health as she takes care of her own health. [Preachy voice slowly increases...] Jesus is like that baby. And he is in US. If we take in the Word of God, we are made healthy but we also bless him. If we obey God's commands, we will make him happy. BUT, if you go out and do things that are UNGODLY, you will HURT HIM. Let us not hurt Jesus. Let's live lives that glorify him and make him happy." AUDIENCE: "Amen, Amen." [Applause.] [Slurping of the final portion of the third servings of free taco soup in styrofoam bowls commences.]

Can you tell me something here? Please, just for a moment, stop and think about it, and ANSWER ME: What the hell is wrong with Christian evangelicalism these days??? Why have we made Jesus into a mute buddy baby? When did Jesus become so fragile? When did his well-being begin to depend on our morality? And how many times must Jesus be crucified on the cross before we can be accepted as failures?